My boyfriend is 23 years older than me and I worry about being left alone when he dies
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While I am not particularly worried about my children having an older father my siblings and I did , the thought of being a widow for plus years terrifies me. The possibility of my husband becoming ill and incapacitated at a stage where I want to be active and travel also weighs heavily on my mind. We have discussed these issues openly and at length, and have made multiple attempts to pull away from each other.
Just the thought of seeing someone else makes me feel sick and anxious. You are exploring every possibility, every scenario and in so doing you are, as you say, paralysing yourself. We tend to overthink when we are anxious and this was one of the first things psychotherapist and couples counsellor Chris Mills picked up on. When we are anxious or unsure, we also want rock-solid guarantees and tend to think in black and white.
Sometimes the most proactive thing you can do is … nothing. But why the urgency in either committing or walking away? This question is too important to rush. I was struck by how catastrophic you felt losing a partner would be and how your life would be, in essence, not worth living. While few would relish the thought of losing a partner, there are many examples of people leading successful and fulfilling lives after the death of one.
I feel this needs further exploration, because if you are prone to anxiety, you will find something to catastrophise about in any relationship you go into.
